Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The "SHOCK" of our lives

I haven't been on since my IUI simply because to our knowledge it didn't work out.  The past month has been well for lack of a better term...HELL!  After the IUI, I began a cycle and found out that I had a cyst on my left ovary.  It was a hard pill to swallow, but I had no idea what was to follow.  A week after my cycle quit, I started another one....WHAT???  As if one isn't already horrible.  Well I went in and was told that it wasn't normal and that we would have to regulate my cycle with birth control.  BIRTH CONTROL!!!! In the words of my husband, "That doesn't seem to be our problem doc."  Well we went ahead and did it anyway.  Whatever will help us get to our goal quickest, we will do!  So while on birth control your body has to adjust and so some abnormal things occur.  It was like the never ending PERIOD.  AHHHHHHH!  So I began a little early.  I called and was told that it was probably just breakthrough bleeding and that was normal and to wait a few more days til I finished the pills and then I should really start.  Little did I know I would never start......I had excruciating pain.  The worst pain I had ever experienced in my WHOLE LIFE.  I thought that I had gallstones and even went to work the next day.  While at work, I could not stand up let alone walk around and help my students.  I never sit down at work, so this was a first.  I finally couldn't take it anymore and left work and my dad took me to the emergency room.  My husband shortly after met us down there.  As a precaution, they had me give a urine sample.  I kindof chuckled thinking, "there is NO way that I am pregnant"  Well after being in the ER for less than an hour, I found out that my urine test came back positive for pregnancy.  PREGNANT! ME? WTF?  I was like there is no way, I want a blood test.  45 minutes levels were 11,500......HOLY MOLY!  So I immediately think...Ectopic Pregnancy.  For those of you who do not know what that is....An Ectopic Pregnancy is when the fertilized egg implants in your fallopian tube and not the uterus.  It is very dangerous and can be fatal if not caught.  Usually you don't know you are having one until you feel pain.  I told Jae that this has got to be what is going on.  I got very scared.  So I go in for an ultrasound which took forever.  She must have taken a million pictures, which was a red flag for me.  I had to wait for radiology to look over them before we could get the results.  By this time I am back in the ER and my mother has gotten there.  I didn't want her to know anything yet because I didn't want her to get excited and then upset.  I knew what was going on eventhough they hadn't told me the final verdict.  So we wait patiently and the ER doctor comes in and says that it is not good and I was having a tubal pregnancy and surgery would be done immediately.  I just started to cry because A.  I finally get pregnant and this is how I find out.  B.  Why do I always have to have it so hard?  C.  This is so dangerous, I may die.    My doctor was not on call and another doctor comes in to do the surgery and lets me know that my tube had ruptured and I would have to have it removed.  Which tube I asked?  The right one she said.  I began to panic because apparently that was my good tube.  Now I am really screwed, but it was either the tube or me at this point.  I had lost soooooooooo much blood.  Finally, Jae made them call my doctor.  As they were taking me back to the operating room, they opened the doors and there he was.  A huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  So we had a little chat and he promised that he would check my left tube for me and that everything was going to be okay.  They did a lap surgery and that left minimal incisions.  The before and after pictures are incredible.  I can't believe how all of this went down, but on the postitive side....Yes Positive Side.....I got pregnant!!!  It was from the IUI!  I was about 8 weeks along.  But God knew that something was wrong and for whatever reason it just wasn't our time.  I did however get a second chance at life.  This I am so thankful for.  Somehow because of all of the bleeding at the time of my normal period and it not showing up on ultrasounds, we missed it.  I have been reassured that my body is completely healthy and also I forgot to left tube is PERFECT!!!  Praise God!  I only have to wait 2 months and then we are back in the game!  I am not giving up!  We came this close and I know that all of this happened for a reason and my time will be here very soon!  I do know this....when this miracle gets here, it will be so spoiled and loved to the max.  I will never take that sweet angel for granted.  It will truly be a miracle and a gift from God!  We find comfort in the fact that we can get pregnant and that we will get pregnant.  Only next time, it will be a wonderful experience!  We can only go up from here!  I am excited about enjoying the holidays and starting the new year with a bang!  I am so lucky to have such amazing family, friends, and co-workers.  What would I do without them?  We are sooooooooooo blessed!  Until January!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

IUI Oh My!

Well we went in this morning for our iui. When we got there I was a little nervous, but having Jae there with me made it so much better. Jae and i said a small prayer while holding hands before tbe Dr. Came in. Dr. came in with his med student and nurse! He said with a smile, " Let's do it!" We all had a good laugh and began the procedure. I was concerned that it was going to be painful like my HSG, but it wasn't bad at all. Jae held my hand the whole time and rubbed it with his thumb! We were told that both eggs released so hopefully we will have a better chance of conceiving! The procedure didn't last long at all and I just had to lay there for 30 min. During that time I had this sense of peace! So many thoughts were going through my head. Jae and I talked about names and just how happy we would be if this works! As soon as we left we went to get some vitamins, movies, and magazines! I was going to continue to rest all day in hopes that I would be able to conceive! Jae then went to the lake to go fishing with a buddy and my sweet mom came over and surprised me with sheperd's pie and watched two movies with me! Well I am still here on my couch and thinking about how crazy it is that my body could be creating a baby right now. I do not want to do anything to jeopardize that. I have decided to cut off caffeine and wine until I know something for sure. I know that may be a little over the top, but after all that I have been through I can't afford to chance it.

Signs? I don't normally believe in signs, but last night I went to rent a movie on Netflix and found one called Maybe Baby. It was a British film about a couple struggling with infertility. Crazy, huh? Then when I got home today, Nine Months was on! Coincidence? Not sure? Only time will tell! I am now entering into what is called the 2WW ( two week wait) I hope I can get through it without to much stress! Praying hard and will be back soon with any updates! Over and out!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Anxious and excited!

So we are finally here! This is the day before my iui! We are so excited about tomorrow and are praying so hard that we will finally be able to have a baby! The past two years have all come down to this one moment! It seems so surreal. I am laying here and thinking, "this could be my last day not pregnant!" wow, what a great feeling! Lots of prayers and hoping that it works!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

No more shots, PLEASE!

So today is my last day of injections before I go in to get monitored! I hope all is well and we can schedule our iui! So to make this night more pleasant, I am going to rent a great chick-flick, buy some wine, and have a girls night with my sister! I would like to make a toast to no more shots! I am praying for some GREAT news in the morning!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I am officially "Infertile Myrtle" but hopefully not for long!

After being married for a year Jae and I decided that it was time to start trying to have a baby! Well I had no idea what lied ahead of us. We tried on our own for a year and had a feeling that something was wrong. Why isn't this happening for us? I was very frustrated, but felt that once I went to my doctor that we would figure it all out. I was wrong. I began using 50mg of clomid and that didn't do a thing. One month down. Then we upped it to 100mg and I finally was able to ovulate. I still did not get pregnant. 4 more rounds of just clomid and not a thing! I was like, "is this really happening?" Finally we added a trigger shot to better time my ovulation. We did this for 2 rounds and still nothing. Ahhhhhh! The tears I had cried could have filled buckets. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It doesn't make it any easier when so many people around you so easily achieve that one goal that your body will not allow to happen and there is nothing you can do about it. I felt helpless and hopeless. I then took a break and got back to my life. I can't remember what my life was even like pre-wanting a baby. Not a worry in the world, content, normal, just a few words. Well we finally got referred to a specialist after 2 years of heartache. I finally felt a sense of relief. There was a dim light at the end of this never-ending, emotionally draining, roller
coaster of a ride tunnel that we had been on for so long. After so many nights crying myself to sleep and asking God why us?, I found myself in a positive place! Were we really about to get the one thing that has been out of our reach for so long? The thought of it is so surreal! Would I finally know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside of me? Would I get to experience the dreaded morning sickness that everyone complains about, but I would give my left leg to experience? I want so badly to be on the other side of this situation.

We began going to our RE in June and immediately had some testing done. Then I had to go in for a procedure to have my tubes flushed out and boy did that hurt. I was all clear and ready for my next step! Now here I am! After not only a stressful personal life, but also 2 years of stress at work I was finally in a good place. I had a brand new school right by my house, my room number is our lucky number, I have a great class, and the best part is that I got a full time assistant who will not allow me to get stressed! She is team baby all the way! Praise God! This was such a blessing and whoever doesn't believe that timing is everything, is wrong! I look back on the last 2 years and I can't imagine having a baby during that time! I can't believe I am saying that, but looking at my life now it is clear! This is God's p,an for me and Jae!

Now I am preparing for my first inter uterine insemination! I have to take a little cocktail first! 5 days of 100mg of clomid, Bravelle injections, a HCG trigger shot, and then finally my iui! The injections were very unexpected, but nonetheless I feel that they may be our ticket! When I was told that I would have to give myself shots, one name popped in my head.... Kathleen! I have been so blessed to have the most wonderful big sister! She is my best friend and I love, respect, and trust her more than anyone in the world! Without hesitation she agreed to give me my injections. Tears are falling from my eyes right now just typing this! She will never know how much it means to me! I know she will read this! I can't wait for all of this to be over with and to finally get that positive test and to call my sister and thank her for having a hand in this miracle! That will be one of the best days of my life!

So I will be back to keep everyone updated! I have 1 more day of injections and then I will find out if my body is ready for the iui! I pray that this works! If it does I will be forever grateful!