Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I am officially "Infertile Myrtle" but hopefully not for long!

After being married for a year Jae and I decided that it was time to start trying to have a baby! Well I had no idea what lied ahead of us. We tried on our own for a year and had a feeling that something was wrong. Why isn't this happening for us? I was very frustrated, but felt that once I went to my doctor that we would figure it all out. I was wrong. I began using 50mg of clomid and that didn't do a thing. One month down. Then we upped it to 100mg and I finally was able to ovulate. I still did not get pregnant. 4 more rounds of just clomid and not a thing! I was like, "is this really happening?" Finally we added a trigger shot to better time my ovulation. We did this for 2 rounds and still nothing. Ahhhhhh! The tears I had cried could have filled buckets. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It doesn't make it any easier when so many people around you so easily achieve that one goal that your body will not allow to happen and there is nothing you can do about it. I felt helpless and hopeless. I then took a break and got back to my life. I can't remember what my life was even like pre-wanting a baby. Not a worry in the world, content, normal, just a few words. Well we finally got referred to a specialist after 2 years of heartache. I finally felt a sense of relief. There was a dim light at the end of this never-ending, emotionally draining, roller
coaster of a ride tunnel that we had been on for so long. After so many nights crying myself to sleep and asking God why us?, I found myself in a positive place! Were we really about to get the one thing that has been out of our reach for so long? The thought of it is so surreal! Would I finally know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside of me? Would I get to experience the dreaded morning sickness that everyone complains about, but I would give my left leg to experience? I want so badly to be on the other side of this situation.

We began going to our RE in June and immediately had some testing done. Then I had to go in for a procedure to have my tubes flushed out and boy did that hurt. I was all clear and ready for my next step! Now here I am! After not only a stressful personal life, but also 2 years of stress at work I was finally in a good place. I had a brand new school right by my house, my room number is our lucky number, I have a great class, and the best part is that I got a full time assistant who will not allow me to get stressed! She is team baby all the way! Praise God! This was such a blessing and whoever doesn't believe that timing is everything, is wrong! I look back on the last 2 years and I can't imagine having a baby during that time! I can't believe I am saying that, but looking at my life now it is clear! This is God's p,an for me and Jae!

Now I am preparing for my first inter uterine insemination! I have to take a little cocktail first! 5 days of 100mg of clomid, Bravelle injections, a HCG trigger shot, and then finally my iui! The injections were very unexpected, but nonetheless I feel that they may be our ticket! When I was told that I would have to give myself shots, one name popped in my head.... Kathleen! I have been so blessed to have the most wonderful big sister! She is my best friend and I love, respect, and trust her more than anyone in the world! Without hesitation she agreed to give me my injections. Tears are falling from my eyes right now just typing this! She will never know how much it means to me! I know she will read this! I can't wait for all of this to be over with and to finally get that positive test and to call my sister and thank her for having a hand in this miracle! That will be one of the best days of my life!

So I will be back to keep everyone updated! I have 1 more day of injections and then I will find out if my body is ready for the iui! I pray that this works! If it does I will be forever grateful!

No comments:

Post a Comment